To my friends

I just got a heavy flu. It started Wednesday night and caused me to be a wreck on Thursday. I couldn’t do anything, my total body hurt and I couldn’t eat or drink anything or it would come right out of me immediately as water. Did I catch a virus? I guess so, but that couldn’t be the only thing. I hadn’t been sick for over 10 years and recently got a lot fitter. I ate well and I kept watch on my sleeping habits. Still I got sick, and I figured out why. I was too busy scoring, too busy working my ass of doing all kinds of things and I was to busy to taking a time-out now and then. My body warned me, I was asking too much from myself. Now I paid the price, I couldn’t do my last exam (statistics) today. But hey, life goes on and there’s always another chance.
The thing is, I’m not too sure what to do now. These past few days made me realise that I should really cut myself some slack now and then. For the past few months I’ve been thinking about my life after graduation (Master). Everything had to be done fast, smoothly, planned and finished. Maybe I should spend my final year as a student a bit more relaxed. Cause I’m not too sure what I want to do next year anyway. I’m only 23 years old, should I already look out for work? Or should I take some time off? Or would it be a better idea too postpone my graduation a bit, don’t care about the extra debt I will be in due to extra months of studying and take some more time to do the things I like?
One thing’s for sure, I always do the things I enjoy. Last year, 2009, was a great year for me. I went abroad to Dublin, met great people from numerous countries, made great trips to Barcelona, Paris and Sardinia, met a special girl who I’ll never forget about, found out who my real friends are, lived together with a great friend and best of all, did the things I wanted to and I liked to do.
This year (2010) is all about achieving goals, distinguish myself from all the others so I will be successful in my future career and to get acknowledged for all that. People don’t always see all the things I do, and think because I only get mediocre grades I’m just “one of the bunch”. I wanted to change that, and I hope I succeed. But it should NEVER go at cost of my well-being.
Injuries kept me from doing sports and my dad got a heart attack which made me scared. Not everything has been going so well till now. But I don’t want to be seen as a complainer and I always want to look at the bright side of things. For starters, when I was to sick to be able to do anything, my great great friend Nikki came over and took care of me, even though she wasn’t feeling so well either. And when my friends heard the news about my dad they supported me even though they hadn’t seen me for a while or they were busy at the time. These are the most important things in life: people you can trust, people you can build on and giving back to those people.

For the coming weeks I hope to speak to everybody who are important to me and figure out what to do now and what to do next year. And I want to see and talk to you all very soon, have a beer, or just on Skype, chatting about nothing. Thank you all.

Back-up

It’s raining all day
But I don’t mind
I go outside

I could take the bus
But no, not me
‘Cause I like to suffer sometimes
Life is good enough
Sometimes I make it just a little more
rough than necessary

Strugglinh through a storm
Makes me dream of coming home
Makes me dream of your standing there
Wrapping me in a towel or three
Room Eleven, It's Raining (2007)

Two weeks left in the capital of Ireland. Dublin cries bitter and never ending tears, while I am getting ready to go back to where I come from and, as I found out, somehow belong. Dublin brought my a bittersweet experience, with good times and many boring times. I had fun during the visits of friends, the trips to Cork and Belfast and the awesome club nights. But I also survived the boring days and night during which I had nothing to do and others here stayed in and refused to make something of their life. Somehow I cannot be thrilled by many places and people; I need spontaneous and easy-going friends who are always in for something fun. These people cannot be found here, but are all around me in the Netherlands. Starting with my oldest friends, that I have since high school. Call them for a bbq or a game of Halo at Mr.V's and they will be there just a few moments later. Then the close friends I made in Nijmegen, having met them at university, at the sports centre or at one of my (former) accommodations, there are so diverse and trustable that I can call them anytime for a drink, a concert or a game of football. I had so much fun with them that I was a bit sad to go; there was no reason for me to leave because I met so many new people every week and my friendships were growing stronger and stronger each week. But I always want to try new things, and so I decided a few years ago that I would go abroad for a few months. Not to read books and study, but just to grow in life. To get maturer, to meet other cultures and to test myself: I wanted to know how strong I am.
And now I can say I am strong, and I am stronger than before. The first few weeks of rain, terrible housing and ignorant people were a struggle. The period after that was somehow not as good as I expected; I wanted to party all day like Erasmus should do. Then my month of travelling followed: Barcelona, Belfast, Northern Ireland, Paris. Never have I travelled so much in my life as in this year. Earlier on this year I already went to Madrid and London, and now getting on a plane is like grabbing the bus; I don't even care anymore, and it opens up Europe for me. I can go were I want and when I want. I found that I can easily be on myself, but I need others around me. I need to be able to share my experiences with others and go to awesome parties with the best people I know. And now, now it's time to say goodbye to Dublin. People who know me and talked with me know I am happy to go back, back to my big private room, my own bed, my sometimes annoying flatmates (but most of the times just great), my cats, my football mates (I miss the game soooo much), my Goffertpark, my AH XL, my Babylon, my city but most of all: my friends. It is time to go back and to remember the good times and learn from the bad and boring times.
This ends my blog for now. I will soon write more about all the things I did this last month and a half. I hope you all read my blog and let me know what you think about it.
See you in two weeks!

I remember running around in the greenest grass
Chasing each other laughing in a late summer light
With every step I had the feeling that life had just begun
Room Eleven, Greenest Grass (2007)